Presents

Presents... where is my present? Is that present for me? Got any presents? I like presents.
For my kids this year, it was all about the goods. I don't know if it's the unwrapping, the suspense or the actual gift, probably a combination.

A friend of mine and I exchange ornaments with the kids instead of toys. Wyatt wasn't privy to this. SO, when he opened his gift with great gusto, to his great dismay, there sat a great ornament. But to him... it wasn't so great. He proceeded to sit there with the ornament in his lap, wrapping paper all around wearing the pout above. A shot of embarrassment rushed through my body. How could MY child show such behaviour! Thank goodness the giver was a dear friend and forgiving. As it was, she felt bad for him. That wasn't how I felt for him.
In privacy, I stated his rights. You have the right to be disappionted and what you do and pout will be held against you!
Motherhood is humbling.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Laughter

The other day my Em said ~ I'll be the adult and not laugh and you can be the kids and laugh... not a direct quote but what a terribly scary insight. It saddened me. I like to laugh. I like to be happy and laugh. I like to be carefree, happy and laugh! But I am not and do not, enough. What's happened??? Taking life to friggin' serious is what. Horseblinders. Tuned out. Submerged in selfishness. SO... this has to change.

Ha ha ha...

Gardening...my meditation

"I’m digging in the dirt
I’m digging in the dirt
I got a shovel and a rake and a little dirt hoe
I’m gonna turn the earth, and watch things grow"

~lyrics from Frances England's Digging in the Dirt

While my children played in the garage and drive way, I enjoyed my front garden. Heavenly. Not only was I able to start and finish ( a luck of the draw phenomena ) I rarely had to encourage good behaviour!!!

Anyway, I yanked plants with a smidgen of guilt but they simply didn't belong where they were. Some were replanted while others weren't so lucky. While my honeysuckle needs love and support, its flowers brought back fond memories of my childhood. I use to take a flower and gently pull the narrow end off and suck the nectar. Mmm! A fantastical treat! Much like pistachios, work but worth it. Other adjustments, I gave the magnolia a trim. The ceanothus was whacked. I was ruthless. It needs a new home with more space to be itself but that place doesn't exist yet. In the meantime, it gets cut way back. I think that is the end of my garden undertakings.

There is something about getting dirty, arranging, rearranging, nurturing ( or not ) these delights, and then reaping the benefits through all senses. The aromas, the visual and physical textures and the delicacies. I am fascinated how a plant or tree can be cut right back, looking homely and sad. But come spring, they transform

While I am not completely satisfied, are we ever, with the placement of my delightful plants, it brought great solace to my state of being... active meditation. I didn't not holler out fung, dung or bung at any point of my exercise in settling my mind.

Thank you Mother Nature.

Okay, Joanne, you've created a blogging monster! I cannot stop!

Weight and Hair

NEMESES!

I am emerging from a long period of 'I am not getting fat' denial. My body has been this way for quite some time but as I mentioned denial pushed me up and out. Although, at one point, I was actually fascinated at how one's body can stretch and grow. Plus has became the department I visit for 'new' clothes... happy fat clothes.

My love for junk and hate for all that is nutritious will start to cause me some health problems. I need to find some inner strength to outwit my taste buds so that I consume carrots instead of chocolate or an apple instead of a cracker... One of my problem is the inconsistency of food. ( I am also coming out of stage of it's not my fault... it's someone or something else! LOL) One apple is delicious and the next is soft. Bananas have to be a certain ripeness or I gag. One might call this picky. I call it years of refinement.

Anyway, patterns need to change. But how? I'll figure it out while I am laying/lying on a stretcher at a noisy busy dirty hospital with IVs coming in and out various parts of my fat body.

One other thing!!

Hair... or maybe I should say HAIR DRESSERS/BUTCHERS! Tonight, I showed Grace a picture of what I wanted. When I look in the mirror, I am at loss... it looks nothing like the fuing picture! Sigh. It's too short and too layered. Thank goodness it's summer and I can jam a ball cap on. That will give me time to adjust and deal with it.

My OH MY! Not a very uplifting ego day. Ah well.

Time Passing

Well, time flies eh? It's been what a year since I wrote. Shame on me. I guess my time management skills still need work. Thank you Joanne for rekindling my blog.

Anyway, FREEDOM. For the first time in four years, I feel free. I didn't realize how trapped I felt until now. With the overwhelming task of managing two some what unruling children in public, I hated and avoided going out. A simple task of running into a store became an ugly battle. Therefore I was bound to my prison-house or trying to flee at any moment. BUT now... the rugrats are manageable and fun.

Honestly, for quite some time, I haven't enjoyed being a mother. It was a chore, a burden. Daily questioning~ what's the point, WHY ME? Alas... I see a light at the end of the toilet paper roll... while faint, at least it's there now. Parenting isn't ONLY a job but becoming a pleasure. It's about time.

"Freedom is not merely the opportunity to do as one pleases; neither is it merely the opportunity to choose between set alternatives. Freedom is, first of all, the chance to formulate the available choices, to argue over them -- and then, the opportunity to choose." ~ C. Wright Mills