Depression

For most of my life I struggled with depression. As a teenager it wasn't the IN thing to be, like it seems to be now. What anti depressant do you take? Oh mine is... Meds. a slippery slope.

ANYWAYs (as Wy would say), for three months I've eaten little to NO processed foods. I've had two periods in that mix. And I have to say... my depressed state has lessened to just sadness that passes. Or a passing emotions. Not ones that stuck and festered into an abyss. When I mentioned this to A, he shared that in his reading with those who ate Primal, their depression dissipated.

This past two weeks has been a time of pms and over indulgence of sugars, processed foods and some wheat... My energy level plummeted, my mood was riding a crazy roller coaster, my sadness was a pinch more than a passing emotion and my brain was hazed. Yes, PMS would play a roll is some of that but the ones prior to this one, I was eating well, and didn't experience the above.

The indulgences have clarified and solidified a great deal for me. SO exciting! For year (geez, my whole life), what I ate contributed and exaggerated my weaknesses. While I still have these weaknesses, they aren't taking over. I learned eating primal, for me, helps me be a better and healthier person.

I want to go on a speaking tour to share this with parents and children. Adults will do as they wish... but if they have children.... they could help their children in such a simple way. In the process, they would feel better! They could eliminate medicating their children.

I am grateful to Ash and that blog I found challenging me to a 30 day challenge! I must have been ready. For years, I harassed Ash and made fun of him, I am sorry for that.

When you eliminate a safety, scariness takes over for a bit but the end result... renewal! THEN you can either keep that safety or go with the renewed safety.

Ahhhhhhhhh. Such relief! Imagine how I will feel once I start exercising regularly!!! WATCH OUT!

Tis the Season

Well I haven't had many festive temptation due to my lifestyle but today I did. And I caved. Ha ha, no pun intended. I had some brownies, puff pastry with some super tasty caramelized onions and ice cream. How do I feel?
One word: WEIRD.
Some others things.... bloated, stuffed up, tingly, tired, jittery....

Now with doing without for so long, the above 'issues'  would become a norm... I wouldn't KNOW that what I was eating contributed to it. It wouldn't seem odd to feel those things, like it does now.

There is NO guilt, surprisingly, attached to my consumption. I wanted it, I ate it. It was nice to eat things that were familiar and enjoyed in the past. While I did enjoy it this time around it was different. I didn't NEED to have another piece and the small amount I had was satiating. So maybe I've learned some portion control through this?

Lovin' it. 

Steady....

While my blog entries may have dwindled but not my spirit for primal. My 15 pounds remains off!

One things I've learned or reconfirmed.... plan ahead. I wasn't getting enough meat protein. RESULT: My energy level was low. I find it tiresome always making a whole meal every meal. Hence, the plan ahead.

I've increased some exercise but not enough. Not sure why I cannot get on the bandwagon. Di set a challenge and everything. I wonder what will kick start me! Uh, myself!

54 Days

I've dabbled in various past foods. Fries, chips, nachos and beer. Some tasted great, others didn't. It's a matter of will power with those that taste good. For the most part, my body isn't fond of those items. Bloatation (macdougall word). Blah. Not a fan of that sensation.

A solid 15 pounds GONE!

Energy is there but my inadequate sleep isn't allowing me to reap the full benefits. It'll come.

Not much else to report, except that I am still going happily with tests that I am passing!

Meatzaaaaaaa!

Ash! Oh Ash! My life would be dull and mainstream without him. As much as I complain, he's good stuff.
Well, the latest request... Meatza. Meat wha? Pizza with a meat crust. Hmmm. All I could think of is heavy.

Then he comes home with a package of ground Buffalo and website with the way to do MEATZA.

You spread the meat to the edges of the pan with a lip if you can, much like pie dough. I doused it with sea salt, black pepper and dried basil.  Bake at 450F for 10 minutes. It shrinks. I drained the liquid (gave it to Lucy). On went the tomato sauce, whole pieces of FRESH basil, cheese, mushrooms, onions, red pepper and salami prosciutto. Oven for another 10 minutes or so. I think I broiled too, to crisp up the meat and brown the cheese.

Verdict ... darn tasty.

There are some improvement... next time, more sauce, more toppings, cook the onions and eat more slowly. The kids loved it!

The website was Free the Animal, Rick Nikoley... a primal eater blog.

Other discoveries or faves:

Frozen banana with chocolate, nuts, cream and coconut is some tasty. I tried it with coconut milk but you couldn't taste the coconutiness. Would like to try it with the banana mushed up.

Trail mix.... roasted and salted pumpkin seeds, pecans and raisins. YUM! The raisins are like candy.

Cauliflower and yam or sweet potato.. prefer the sweet potato version. Boiled together, then mashed up with cream and butter. Yum.

I bought a pork loin and sliced some thinly for lunches, about 6-8 oz worth. I also bought the frozen chicken breasts from Costco... yuk. Must find a way to use those up without having to TASTE it.

That's it for now.

Trick or Treat... Smell my feet

Well I indulged a bit. It wasn't a jump right in and pig out scene. It was a piece here and a bag there. In total... 2 bags of chips and 2 bars. Blah. The chips tasted like cardboard and styrofoam and the bars tasted waxy. I reverted to my 70% chocolate squares with much more satisfaction.

Step by step I am weaning my mind and body away from habits? Halloween was such fun... stuffing your face with all kinds of tasty treats. Now it'll become a time to dress up and ... the end.

Next year... a party!!

Oops but Hooray!

I went a little crazy today. Aside from spending funds we don't have... I BOUGHT A BAG OF MY VERY FAVORITE CHIPS. Sinful I know.  I had one, okay, two... alright..... several more I will not lie. I was doing a clinical test here. And in the end... I DIDN'T like them! I didn't like them. It was the same thing as the German chocolate cake. Damn. Very exciting.

I like the way I eat! Imagine. I am baffled too. How does this happen. As I was saying to Mel it took me a year plus of complaining and whining to jump on board to Ash's ways, but here I am 'hooked'. (BTW... I've done better in self control than Ash! Tehee! Not that anyone's keeping track).

There is disappointment. I do have fond memories of my bags of chips, chocolate bars and what not but like how memories work, they stay with you and you live them when you need to. AND I am making new memories. I am weird I know.

Ash said once how things tasted better, that red pepper was like candy and that crackers tasted like cardboard.... I rolled my eyes and called him a weirdo in my head (though he did read my mind). BUT IT'S FLIPPIN' true! Celery even tastes yummy to me. (Another tasty thing... yams or sweet potatoes with GARLIC)

Anyway, it hasn't been all glorious. I do have some tummy issues. Not sure if it's the dairy or wrong mix of veg and protein. Being a lousy eater to begin with... things don't change over night.

Is it possible it took this long for the real effects of withdrawal to come out? I've been dopey too, like the onset of a stone or drunk. (so I have heard) Yet the sensation seemed end once I ate. Hmmm. Hunger.

Anyway...excited about the chips. Oh I had some ice cream too. One or two tablespoons. That was enough. I love these testings! It was some tasty but I didn't have the urge to indulge further. Now that is trippy!

OH another things... bananas frozen taste like ice cream. Thanks Deb!

Here's to slippin'!

Humbled

Three things humble me and perhaps women in general...
PMS
my children
and a mirror.


At this time it's PMS.

Deep breath. Pout.
Usually a bag of chip, a pop and maybe a chocolate bar would appease the blues. While it's tempting to indulge, I will fight it to see what happens. Curiosity can be a grand and powerful force.

May the force be with me!

Comments

I'd love to hear from you... good and bad.

Inches

On September 26th, I bravely took a tape measure and delicatley wrapped it around various parts of my unprimal body.

Today for some reason, I remembered that I did it.
SOOOOOOOOO, I eagerly, this time, measured the various body parts. (Slight problem... not certain I got the exact spots as before but...)

GUESS WHAT???

I lost some inches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy F.

If my back wasn't achey, I'd be doing a primal grunting dance! Pounds are nice by all means but inches... INCHES.

I lost a half inch on my upper cottagey thighs, an inch above my flabby knees, was surprised about the half inch of my waist, I thought it would be more. I am PMSing so..., hips- half an inch, my calves and biceps haven't changed really, if anything, they went up a bit.

Accuracy is iffy but it seems reasonable. I tried to write down where I measured this time for other check ups!

Pretty cool how the body expands and retracts. PREGNANCY!

Speaking of PMS... I was hoping this way of eating would balance my mood swings. Not so sure if it has but maybe they are just less severe now. This time around, I am craving chocolate and have indulged more than before on the 70% chocolate. Must watch that.  I hope it improves. This is one of the reason's I wanted to eat this way. The emotional roller coaster I was strapped to was making me dizzy!

Rediscovered almond butter. OMG, treat! It's actually sweetish! Roasting does wonderful things to food. Also, the carrot I ate today was rather too sweet. How can that be!? LOL! I should just sit down and eat a Wunderbar to see how that goes.

Did I share that I had a beer, part of a beer, this weekend? YUK. A sad day in my drunken part of my mind. Mind you it wasn't super cold and it was chilly out. Perhaps other elements needed to be there or ... my body simply isn't able to drink anymore! Can this be? After um 21 year drinking career.. hiatus during pregnancies. Imagine. Perhaps alcoholics should turn primal. Primal therapy!?!

Well I was going to simply brag about the inches but I had other things on my mind apparently.

Yum!

Reduced HOMEMADE chicken stock,

reduced cream,

tarragon

 and butter.

Enough said.

Didn't Explode

Today I witnessed some endearing long time friendships. Jessica's friends were delightful. The affection and adoration these woman have for one another was wonderful to witness and feel! Friendships where words aren't always needed and a smile means a million words. I felt the love.

Well, while I stared down a HOMEMADE oatmeal chocolate chip cookie and some yummy looking cupcakes, I succumbed to some sushi. AND I didn't explode. I didn't get shot down. Not sure what I was expecting to happen if I 'cheated' but nothing happened. LOL! I do feel a bit bloated but...

I discovered that grape tomatoes and blue cheese are meant for each other. BTW, I resisted crackers too.

For me, eating is a comfort. While I enjoyed myself at Jess's baby shower, I didn't know a lot of people and if I did, it was superficial. So I was forced into the pleasantries of what do you do, where do you live, how do you know Jess, blah blah blah... Sorry did I type that out?! LOL! While I was either forcing myself to chat or sitting back taking it all in, I noticed when I was very uncomfortable with the silence or conversation, I leaned toward the cheese in front of me. Something to do to fill the void. What's up with that? Am I alone on this? I didn't realize that food was attached in that way for me. It busies you. Diverts nerves.

What did I do once I realized this... I forced myself to sit there and simply observe and listen to all that was going on. Telling myself, it's okay to be sitting amongst these people AND NOT talk. Or if in a conversation, ride through the uncomfortable silences with a smile, no a mouthful of food. With the help of some deep breaths and some toe taps, a wonderful wave of calmness came over me. This time I managed to divert myself from some comfort eating. One down. Now to repeat.

That is that. Did I mention I loved the sushi.

LBS.

Another 4 pounds melted away! That would be a total of 16 pounds. OH babe! Not sure if our bank account can handle a new wardrobe! Ha, no need for that until maybe THE NEW YEAR!

Ideally, I'd like to lose 30 pounds. So I am half way there. Hmm. That sounds encouraging.

I have successfully NOT eaten while stressed. Okay, that is a wee lie. I did indulge in bigger chunks of chocolate (70%). But overall, pat on the back. Usually a bag of chip, pop and chocolate bar would settle me down just fine. A pinch proud. Every challenge is an opportunity to adjust... what's that saying?

Still struggling with those damn lunches. WHINER. I made a yum one this week (a repeat actually) which fed me for two days. Grilled veg and chicken with bruschetta goat cheese. I found with a solid amount of protein for lunch, I am good to go. No headaches, no hunger and some energy.

All fine and dandy if you have time to play. I really need to be on top of the prep. Convienent foods are call that for a reason but they suck for me. I need fast protein grub. Ash claims fat does it for him. I guess I could chew on a frozen stick of butter.

Energy is peeking out in bits. I really want to feel the rush man! When will it kick in! Uh, maybe if I exercised a bit, that would help it emerge? Duh. It's the rain. It's the cold. I am tired. JUST DO IT BIATCH!

My cold is gone. VITAMIN D is a wonder vitamin! I swear it wards it off or lessens the symptoms... they need to be mixed with a fat or something... we take it with fish tablets. For the most part this pairing helped us NOT get too sick or sick at all last fall/winter season. It'll be interesting to see if it happens again this year. True test.

Tomorrow I will have a social eating challenge. A baby shower. First off, I will only know maybe 2 people... a bit stressful for me and two... food. I will politely pick. I am amazed at my disinterest or lack of yearning for what I 'cannot' have. It's just not there. I see others eating it, I KNOW it's tasty but I don't drool or have mental words say I WANT I WANT... what's up with that? I know it's a great thing but it's SO not my normal reaction.

Anyway, I am rambling... Hence... THE RAMBLER.

Goal... 1. exercise~ do the stairs, weights and.... one walk, rain or shine... GET OUT THERE!
2. Find protein substitutes that are easy peasy to get at and make

GO!

Let There Be Cake

I did it.

I waited for Ash to get home to share the moment.

I carefully unwrapped the cake, looked at it, pondering my wee venture and then took a small forkful.

The texture was more pleasing than the taste. While it was tasty (it's my mom's cake for crying out loud!), I didn't like it. Nonetheless, there was a strong pull to have another forkful JUST to be sure. I was disappointed and happy with how I felt.

It was way too sweet.

yes, sarah short macdougall said this! I too am shocked!

Had I eaten the whole kit and kaboodle, I think I'd have gone into a shock.

And you know what I did next!?

 Sacrilege really...

 I threw it out! OMG! I threw it out.

Oh my.

I hope the cake gods don't strike me down.

NEVER have I thrown out perfectly good cake, chocolate or what not!

At first a sickening feeling over came me but the thrill of CHOSING not to eat more took over with Waahooooo.

 And a click of the camera to document my sacrilege!

Should I have kept it for someone else? How thoughtless of me. ha ha ha.

Well... I am pleased and confused and happy and confused and um confused.

Haha.

Pictorially:

Unwrapped, waiting

Diggin' in

Oh the anticipation!

In it goes and...

Ah well, not as good as it would have been 30 days ago!

In the garbage, sorry for the rest of the garbage

the end.

Last Day

IT IS OVER!

What? Huh?

so soon?

Done.

Wham bam thank you mama!

Now where is that german chocolate cake in the deep freeze!?

Oh there you are!

Thawing.

BUTTTTT will I eat it?

 I am curious to see how it tastes.

Sugar rush?

I'll probably chicken out.

Pandora's box needs to open, stay shut!!!

Do I go and buy a spread of goodies?

Wonderbar,  beer and Lime & Pepper chips?

I don't see the need to indulge.

 Especially when I want 10 more pounds off.

 Thirty days wasn't long enough.

Bring it ON!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyone care to laugh at join me?

Watch me go.

And look forward to the

challenges of CHRISTMAS?!?!!?!

Insanity?

Yes, AGAIN~

I slammed into a wall. Wiped out... naps. body feels super heavy. lethargic. atrophy? LOL! Zapped. It started yesterday. I figured it was need to catch up on sleep but the lethargic and dead weight today made me think it something else. I am wondering if it's taken THIS long for things to happen. The things I thought that would happen at the beginning of this challenge! Whoa. Not fun.

To make matters 'worse', it's a long weekend WITH beautiful weather. And all I feel like doing is sleeping or laying down to stare at the ceiling. It's trippy!

Maybe the hair dye went a few layer too deep?? Turkey drug did me in?

Whatever it is... totally drained. An odd feeling for miss go all the time.

FOUR more days or another round?

While I have only 4 days left of my 30 day challenge, I think I'll make it 60. I don't feel I've accomplished enough. Yes, I've lost 10 pounds but I am still turning to food for comfort. Just better food I guess. I'd like to turn that comfort food gives me to something else. Exercise, sewing, SOMETHING.
I still want to improve my lunches and snacks. Cheese is starting to disagree with me. Sigh.

Cope... at Carter's birthday party I brought a piece of chocolate and roasted almonds for my cake. Did the job. I ate only the topping of the pizza. Felt impolite but ah well.

Planning... with everything planning always makes an event go over without a hitch or less hitches. So that's what I need to do with food.

I always knew food was a powerful force but with my changes, it showed me HOW intertwined food is in my life. Every outing... food. IF no food, thought of food. Emotional eating. Socializing. What do you do.. go for coffee and a treat, dinner, lunch.... and if you are out, you don't just want boring fare, you want something gooey and good or soemthing you don't normally have.. you are out, it's a treat. Perhaps this is just me. To go for a piece of broccoli or pineapple just doesn't MENTALLY cut it. It comes down to MINDSET.

So I guess the next 30 days will be mindset changing.

Though I do want to have some processed foods to see how they taste. NOT because my challenge is over, but to see how my taste buds have changed. I know already how something have changed, an apple and red pepper are very sweet and sometimes I cannot eat a whole apple.

Must go... I've irritated my back and sitting is aggravating it. Another challenge....strengthen my core!!!!!!!!!!

More than Half Way!

Down 10! I hit a rock again... so I jumped on the scale. And to my delight, the number was SMALLER. Wahoooo!

All that excitement shared, I still wait for the surge of energy. I still am not getting the proper sleep so...

I really need to get on the exercise wagon. Energy create energy? Perhaps I can start by running up and down the stairs! It's all great to shed the pounds but I'd like to be firm. First things first? Or together...

Anyway, glad to have another push forward!

Success

Tonight I went out. Whahoo.

There were all kinds of tasty treats spread in front of me. I struggled a bit with the food but it was the wanting a drink that was harder. I stuck to water and lime. Need a push but... I DID IT!!! It silly but a great sense of pride sits on my shoulder!

It was nice to sit there and not eat because it was in front of me. And then later feel yukky. Mind you I did have the artichoke dip and it's not agreeing with me. BUT had I eaten the chips ON TOP of the dip, I might have felt worse?? Hard to say. I'd LIKE to think I would.

The neatest thing was not feeling like I was missing out. I use to eat a ton when I was out becasue it was a social occasion or when will I eat like this again. But it seemed food and treats were everywhere all the time. SO no valve. Perhaps I'll learn to use that valve after the challenge or perhaps it will come naturally. It's like buying inexpensive things, thinking oh that's not much, yet it all adds up to a bigger bill.

Anyway, feel good about sticking to my guns. Big step for Miss Short!

Light on My Feet

The energy level hasn't fully peaked but I am feeling surges. They make me happy! If the peak is anything like the surges, oh boy! I'll be one happy gal!

Things I've noticed... smoother skin, stronger nails, thinning body, especially in the tummy and shoulders, rosey cheeks (on my face), clothes fit! and that's it. Taste wise... still miss my sugar in the coffee. Sweet veggies and fruit are sweeter. Subtle head aches remain.

Cravings continue...  to curb them, cheese and olives together, salami, coffee, apple and nuts. AND 70% chocolate bits. A whole square is TOO sweet! IMAGINE! I wonder what a WUNDERBAR tastes like now??? Oh please don't be ruined!

My one big  gigantic complaint about this way of eating IS... SODIUM NITRATE intake... which leads to another minor complaint, prep. This eating require foresight! Still haven't mastered that, and the consequence... bloating, thirsty and hungry. Cold cuts, bacon... If I want protein, it need to be meat... who has a chicken breast laying around? Or fast fry pork chops (ash's suggestion)? Time and effort will straighten this out. It's just taking a loooong time.

Discovered these CHEESE CRACKERS. They are made from butter, cheese (sharp cheddar), almond and coconut flour, is that it? Hmmm. Anyway, you bake them and WOWIE! They aren't crispy crackers, they are more like dense scones. It satisfies my bread needs. However, Ash says they can spike my blood sugar. Bah humbug.

Times of temptation... rice crispies squares. A darling grade 6 girl offered me one of her squares. It felt weird to say no thank you. I felt like I was insulting her even though I made them! I did thank her for her thoughtfulness.

Also as I get busier... it will get more challening. Convient foods are no no's. Sigh. Then there are parties and get togethers. Eat before you go is crucial.

I believe I am done sharing.

Mindset

For the past 11 days I've undergone mindset surgery! Well not really but things are changing. Some I can explain, other I am wordless (speechless).

My withdraw began on day 5. I had headaches, exhaustion and bloating. However, to add to the mix, I've had PMS and insuffiecient beauty sleep. Egg or the chicken?

The cravings remain ever present, especially in the line of stress. How am I managing... tears. I am amazed at how quickly the cravings pass though. I am curious to know if they will leave completely. Or is it like being an alchololic, you always want. Will I go through 12 steps? Will I need to ask for forgiveness at some point? Please forgive me for baking you those tasty brownies?

I miss three things~  the sugar in my coffee, my afternoon beer and alas, chocolate. I will confess, I have daily mini triangles of 70% chocolate. Funny how a wee triangle is satisfying and SWEET!

If it wasn't for nuts, olives and coffee, I think I may have fallen of the wagon. I am in search of something that assimilates the crunch of a chip and cracker. Miss that. Yes, there's celery, carrots blah blah blah but they aren't cutting it. Good sub but...

I am happy to say the bloating has subsided. Aside from the headaches, the bloating has been the most uncomfortable. I increased my water intake and yogurt intake. This has helped. I'm thinking eggs might be the culprit and will test that.

The biggest change... 5 pounds of whatever has gone. Poof! I feel lighter, trimmer and less pudgy. The bloating hasn't done much for a flat tummy though. Grump. I am not sure what drew me to the scale but man am I glad. I hit a wall of frustration and overall WHY feeling. So the scales telling gave me bump over the grump! How much will I end up losing???

What will taste different? What will happen after the 30 days? Will I go hog wild or continue? I have a piece of homemade German Chocolate cake in the freezer to try. I'd like to continue to see what else changes. While lots can happen in 30 days, 90 is even better.

I am hoping for some energy so I can FIRM things up! I guess it starts by JUST DOING IT. Damn Nike motto! Soooo simple yet do we just do it NO! We hum and ha. NO MORE!

(pic by Em)

Well here's to my 5 pounds vanishing!

Day 3 and the beginning of 4

Well, still nuttin' huney!
I feel the same so maybe that is just shitty and in another few days I'll be feeling fabulous??? I 'complained' to my girlfriends about the ease and what not. They brought it to my attention that I do generally eat well. I slip in the bag of chips (big bag), chocolate bars and what not. But otherwise I don't eat processed food.

But this challenge wasn't just for weight lose or evolutionary changes, it was about growing overall.

When I have cravings, knowing I am staying clear of those naughty tasties, it's over. Done. Where as when I would give in to those cravings... I would search the ailse for that perfect naughty, eat it (devour it) and then wait for the guilt to seep through my blood stream! But by NOT giving in, it's done and over with. No searching or seeping! Will I stop being am impulsive eater and an emotional eater?

By sticking to my guns, commitment isn't so bad. It gives you a sense of power... purpose. Guidelines are good, hairy fairy not so much? But sticking to the rules and being good all the time gets boring but am i doing the right things for excitement? Really is inhaling a wunderbar that exciting? Is NOT doing the laundry a thrill? Perhaps Nike has it right... Just do it! I have been just doing it these past three days. When the thought of .. oh I can do that later, I flat out say no and do it. simple things too.

Having said that, I still have a couple baskets of laundry to put away. Some bumps you struggle with!

All in all, the past three days have been great. I am glad I am doing this.

Breeze or Eat My Words?

This is a breeze.
What are people talking about?
Is the yuk going to hit me like a mac truck tomorrow?

I am grateful.

I ate well today. For breakfast, I upped the spinach and eggs and had some smoothy. Totally yummy. For lunch I made a chicken salad with green onions and a few grapes. Snacks? Apple, some nuts. Didn't really need it. Dinner... salmon, bacon, green onion, pinenuts on spinach. If anything I am eating BETTER or simply EATING! Meal prep is a bit cumbersome. You have to think!

Oooo, I made a yummy saucer summer squash.... butter, nut mix stuffed inside. Divine.

Well I wish I had more to report. Kinda disappointed. Anticlimatic. Ah well! 28 more days!

Day 2

While I am starving right now, I had a good day. No strange or uncomfortable side effects yet. I had a subtle headache and feel tired but my cycle is askew and sleep hasn't been consistent or enough in the past two weeks.
That's it.

The Day Before

Here is sit starving already just thinking of the change in food intake starting TOMORROW!!!! LOL! I have my bone in my hair and my tiger skin cave girl outfit on! Grunt! Me good!
All kidding aside, I am excited! A good cleanse. I have been such a fence sitter that I am using this challenge as a start of more JUST DO IT DAMMIT activities. Throwing prejudices, cynicism and excuse down the abyss! I am forging a new path through starving myself, I mean, eating 'purely'. Like Julie in Julie and Julia. She had self discovery by cooking her way through a recipe book. I am simply stripping myself of the thing I turn to for help and soothing. Good by friend.
What am I to expect?
headaches, drained energy and foggy thoughts for the first 4-5 days.
2-3 weeks in between were described as 'interesting'.
By the fourth week, life is good.
So here I go, off to gorge myself. The Last Supper.
Here's to cleansing, losing some inches and pounds and self discovery!

Paleo and Sarah

I live with a man of extremes, mind you he would deny that fact. This particular extreme began with the discovery of a blog by Art Devany (Divinci). Things spiralled from there. Evolutionary Fitness, Paleo diet... CAVEMAN diet no less! Adds effect to the extreme for me!

For the past two years, Ash has preached against grains, processed foods and what not. I went along with it as I usually do, with some protest and disgust sprinkled in. I 'faithfully' made paleo meals, had veg cut, nuts on hand and what ever else was required. Ash proceeded to lose 50 pound, if not more, which was needed, AND he has kept most of it off. Kudos!
As for me, I tagged along like an annoyed teenager. When there was cake, I ate it. When the craving for chips or chocolate surfaced, I didn't hesitate. I'd get a disapproving parental head shake from Ash but I ate it with great gusto and ha ha I can eat it and you cannot sprawled over my face(though it never seemed to affect him).

With such success, from time to time Ash would plead with me to fully join his quest. His militant ways turned me off even though I saw his fat melt away. He DID look great. For the most part he felt great. More energy. However there were other things going on that hindered the full effects. (Shows how much stress and emotion can alter ones body or behaviour.

Like MOST good things, they come to an crescendo or screaming holt. For us, the past 8 months, if not longer, hasn't been very Paleo. Chips, ice cream and various other tasty treats have entered BOTH of our mouths with reckless abandoment. It's been a great ride but I must say... when I was 'following' Ash through the caves and chasing dinosaurs, I did felt better then than I have these past indulgent months.

I've had too many repetitive heartfelt discussions with friends, damning grumbles about the nazi in my house and how it wiggled into how the kids ate. Paleo and kids... a tough battle. Christ food in general is an issue let alone saying No dear, you cannot have a second or for that matter give me the first piece of cake!

Anyway.. discussions, grumbles... Things are starting to change for me... I whine about being lethargic, grumpy and not a top notch human I should and could be. But yet, I sit on my soft ass doing nothing but reading about others taking the world by storm. Afterwards, I feel great enthusiasm to do soemhting of my own but fall short as I get off the computer chair and make dinner. Poof, inspiration lingers but like a fading drunk buzz at 3 am.

Well a turning point came knockin'... My friend decided to do a 4 day NO sugar or carb "cleanse", so to speak. She struggled but did it. She likes her treats and what not. Her struggle and determination was/is inspiring. You go girl. First NUDGE.

Today, while surfing dude, I found my fingers typing paleo snacks into the google window... A floodgate burst!!! Second NUDGE...

This one Paleo fellow's website lead me to a woman's site and her journey with Paleo. The dominoes started to teeter... ending with Melissa Byerss' blog. A quirky gal throwing the challenge of trying Paleo for thirty days AND was willing to listen to questions or concerns while one trudged through the month. A woman's paleo perspective, a WOMAN challenging "me" to a big withdrawal of all that I love.

So... here I sit hours later. The inspiration didn't stop me from buying Ben & Jerry's but it didn't fade either. As I mentioned, I'm a whiner of sorts with no follow through. SO.... upon carefully sharing my interest in this challenge with Ash. I closed my eyes and held my breath.... I could still feel his excitement. Let's be clear here, Ash's excitement is NOTHING like mine.His is a quiet powerful energy. He said if I do it, he'll do it. I didn't crawl back in my defensive shell, I accepted it, in my head. I wasn't ready to give ALL enthusiasm to him.

Pause........... deep breath. I just finished a modest bowl of the B&J I bought and while it was good...I look forward to trying it after 30 days of NOTHING naughty. I hear things taste either awful or delightful.

The Byers lady wrote something that hit home:
"You never, ever, ever HAVE to eat anything you don’t want to eat. You’re all big boys and girls. Toughen up. Learn to say no. Learn to stick up for yourself. Just because it’s your Mom’s birthday, or your best friend’s wedding, or your company outing does not mean you “have” to eat crappy food. It’s always a choice, and I would hope that you stopped succumbing to peer pressure in 7th grade."
I do say no but at times I feel my politeness and phfts on you Ash, takes over and I succumb. So I will TOUGHEN UP!

The gal in Julie and Julia made a promise to make those recipes in a year... it helped her come back to herself. I hope the same for me through Paleo. I am glad I found a woman's perspective on it.

September 12 or there within the gun will go off and I'll blast out of the carb and sugar bubble into... the unknown!

Sickness

We don't usually get sick and if we do, it's mild. NOT THIS time, we were hit with a wrecking ball. Wyatt began our journey Saturday. Then Em on Monday afternoon, in her room and on the sofa. (on the blue sofa I've been wanting to get rid of, thank you Emily!!!) Then me and of course Ash cannot be left out.
I am grateful for the kids speedy recovery. To boot, they were great yesterday in feeding and finding activities to occupy themselves. Mind you the house looked like the Tasmanian devil came for a visit. And to some extent, Lucy was good. I'd still like to find a farm for her to move to. But that's an entry in itself.
Well, here's one for the book, one I hope never happens again! Thanks for the cleanse!

Evolution?

Four months later.. my sewing has evolved quickly like bacteria in a petri dish. Hello, my name is Sarah and I am addicted to sewing. Clap clap clap! Okay, I am not because I have little to NO time to do it. But when I do, what a rush. I am sloppy and hopeful that things will turn out. Even after 6 pillow, I still struggle and wonder if I will manage to get it done... nicely. Grr.
Curve sewing is my nemesis. No matter how many time I lift and shift... it puckers and pinches. Well I have TWO sewing nemesises... the second one is blind stitching. Snaking that damn needle blindly through two tiny piece of fabric... UGRRRR! $%^&*@ Vandu can do it, why can't I. He's a man!
Well, from sock dogs to pillows to aprons and capes, I think I am doing alright. If I had, or made, more time, I would be rocking things out left, right and center... until then, be blind to the blind stitching and be kind to my curves.

Sewing

Boy do I have a lot to learn! Apparently, sewing ISN'T like riding a bike. I am sloppy and a cowboy with my stiches. I can ONLY go UP from here.
When left alone with a new machine, it's like looking for something in the dark! Ugh!. The manual is in some foriegn language.. sewenese. Huh? I am hands on person, I need person input! NOT black and white letters barking at me. It's so definite, no gray, only picutres that don't match what I see in front of me or really describe the noises I hear.
I did create something. It won't win any awards but the hug Em gave hers was more than any trophy could represent. I look forward to moving forward. I have big plans! All family and friend members will be rolling their eyes every holiday now. OH NO, not another sewing creation from Sarah!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!
I will conquer the machine!