Oh Crap.

For "shame"... I fell off the wagon and hit my f head. Hell who am I kidding, I jumped off. I was well aware of what I was doing! I will say... there wasn't much guilt. Perhaps I need to reacquaint myself with this force so I behave. Nah, that's cheap and never works.

Well I feel like CRAP. Exactly how, let me tell you...

Sluggish, cranky, wanting my next fix, obsessive, bloated, tired, feeling fat..... blah blah blah (Ke$ha song).... All for WHAT??? Cheap thrills. CHEAP I say. Booze, cake, chips, birds nests (chow mien noodles, marshmallow and Cadbury mini eggs)... Sigh. Pure utter fluff.

As always, I am glad when I slip, although this was a landslide ;[! It solidifies what I know is true for me. It's been 6 months... half a friggin' year! Imagine that. Woot woot! Okay, those of you who are by the books, with the slippin' and sliddin' it's probably 5.2 months? LOL!

With all this, I haven't gained any substantial weight, it fluctuated 5 pounds, which I consider water weight. So that's great however, the bloating, ugh. It feels like I've put it all back on. Wouldn't I be a wreck if I did... for two weeks of slippin'! Phew. I came out of this unscathed, I might not be that lucky next time. Hey there won't BE a NEXT time damn-it.

Okay... here's to re focusing.

Habits

In the past, when stressed, I would turn to alcohol, food or self pity. Well, I may still resort to self pity but my NEED for alcohol and food have subsided. 

When Lucy 'moved' (A's terminology), I didn't want to eat. I am noticing a walk is fulfilling or releasing the negativity. I crave a walk. Unfortunately I don't take advantage of it or the timing isn't right but I try to find another ways, physical ways.

This is a big accomplishment. In the beginning of this change, I still turned to food for comfort. I believe I posted that and it was something I wanted to overcome. Well to a degree I have. It's certainly not perfect but a huge step up. Sigh with a smile.

I am sure it's not the way I am eating that is altering things but I believe an unconscious decision for change of bad habits was made at the same time.

On another note... I still need to tweek my eating. I've hit another rut but will simply read and research a boost. Nature of things...ebb and flow.

Here's to turning 40, and making things better. Cheers!